I’m supposed to be up in the crater lake of Mt. Pinatubo last weekend, but our trip was canceled at the last minute. Apparently, the RP-US military exercises known as Balikatan is being held in that particular mountain range, and no hikers are allowed up the mountains for safety reasons. With the odds against us, we didn’t insist on pushing through with the trip. We didn’t want to be caught up in US military operations against the NPA live-fire exercises anyway. Tourists: 0, US and RP Militaries: 1.

My wife and I have gone through many trips all over the Philippines for the past two years, and one of the many lessons that we’ve learned over those trips is that when you’re outside of Manila, Cebu, and Davao, never expect your food to be served promptly. Manilans are so spoiled with fastfood that even gourmet restaurants in the metro have a standard waiting time of 15 minutes. In the provinces however, customized orders take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. So if you’re going on a trip to the provinces, especially in places that aren’t the usual destinations (e.g., places other than Boracay, the Metros, provincial capitals, etc.), take my word for it — pack some biscuits in your carry on. Tourists: 0, Laid-back Provincial Restos: 1.

Those are peanuts though, compared to the ordeal a certain friend of ours (who doesn’t wish to be identified) went through. He and his friends went to a popular northern resort town and checked into a hotel which is the namesake of the Arab-sounding beachfront it sits on. He has had bad experiences with that resort before, but hoping that things had gone better, he was willing to give it another chance. They got terrible service for their four day stay anyway — the scuba diving services advertised in the resort’s website did not exist, the food was bad, their requests of beer in the evenings went unheeded although the resort had three days to restock, and on the last day of their stay, water was cut off just when they needed to bathe before heading back to the Imperial Capital.

Our friend, a person who wouldn’t let such things go without giving a piece of his mind, demanded to see the owner of the resort — the "honorable" vice mayor of the northern resort town, to tell her the kind of service he is entitled to. A shouting match ensued — owner/vice mayor told our friend that if he had found their service lousy before, he shouldn’t have returned, and that she didn’t need his money anyway. Friends hurriedly left the resort and were given their money back, only to be flagged down in a military checkpoint. They were held for two hours for no reason (well, no reason other than the incident, obviously), until one member of the group managed to contact certain celebrities associated with Big Bad Media Outfit, which made the officer in charge flinch. For the purposes of my own safety, considering the violent gun-totting feudal-lord nature of politicians from said northern provinces, this is all hearsay evidence which cannot be accepted in the proper forums. Also, if someone issues me another death threat, you are free to figure out who has motive — Google is your friend. Tourists: -10, Philippine Tourism: -100, Northern Resort Town: -500, Vice Mayor/Resort Owner: Dante’s 7th level of hell.

Don’t get me wrong though — the natural beauty of these destinations, as well as the graciousness of local guides and townsfolk you could find within them make all these troubles more than worth it. This is especially true in places where indigenous tribes strike a balance between promoting their home and culture and preserving their way of life, accommodating tourists who want to see things that are unique, new, and special. I felt this strongly when we were in Sagada — where the guides are Igorots proud of their heritage. In an 8-hour spelunking tour that was, to say the least, a momentous challenge to my portly frame, we were going up and down rocks as high as a hundred feet, and slipping through crevices as narrow as 3 feet wide. I could not for the life of me explain how I got my 220 lb self through that hole, but to say the least, being able to go through it was such an awesome experience.

The following day as we were doing a two hour trek down a thousand-foot slope of majestic rice terraces to see the Bomod-ok Waterfalls, I asked my guide why Sagada has not turned over management of the destinations to the Department of Tourism. He said that if they turn things over to the DOT, they wouldn’t be able to share their experiences as a people to the tourists . They wouldn’t want a clear, cemented path will be cut through the cave complete with stairs and lighting — it wouldn’t be challenging anymore, robbing tourists of the chance to appreciate nature’s beauty. They wouldn’t want a cable car going down the waterfalls; it would rob tourists of the experience of climbing the rice terraces and the communities nestled there, as they do everyday. Once we got to the falls its raw, awesome power and beauty made me understand why — it was much, much more worth it to be seeing those falls after the descent. That evening, in the light of a bonfire, these same guides demonstrated traditional Igorot music and dance. The whole ordeal, including the cave trip, made me 5 lbs lighter as well. Tourists: 1, Philippine Indigenous culture: 1.

It’s a great experience everyone, especially Filipinos, should be entitled to have.

In a few hours I shall be setting off and driving north towards my wife’s home province of Pangasinan, my adopted province since an unfortunate idiosyncrasy of my life is that I could trace seven generations back to Manila-dwellers beyond which I’ll have to go to China. But I digress — the two hundred kilometer journey will bring us to central Pangasinan, near Manaoag, home of a popular cathedral and Catholic pilgrimage site. Now I didn’t realize it until the first time I drove that trip, that there is a very big difference in seeing things when you ride a bus and when you drive. The primary difference is your keenness on landmarks. Because you need to know how much more lower back pain and leg strain you have to endure (it’s a four hour drive in light traffic, six hours in bad), as well as remember where you can stop to eat or pee, you notice the structures along the road, especially on McArthur Highway once you get off of the North Luzon Expressway.

One thing I immediately noticed are the various stores that line McArthur Highway. You wouldn’t really notice one store when you see it, however: you would notice it when a huge number of them are all selling the same thing, side by side. Around Bamban and Capas, both in Tarlac, it’s the stores that sell pastillas de leche and other milk-based sweets. By the time you hit Paniqui and Moncada, for around 10 kilometers it’s watermelons that line the road: there’s even a 250 meter stretch of watermelon stores. Reaching Urdaneta City in Pangasinan, a similar 300 meter stretch is lined, this time, with bottles upon bottles of bagoong. Once you reach Binalonan town, it becomes native corn, although with much fewer sellers. Leaving McArthur highway to head to Manaoag, near the church itself it’s not only religious icons and trinkets, but tupig (sticky rice and coconut meat roasted within banana leaves) is likewise peddled.

Copy this, copy that, copy cat

It’s no different from many places in the country, for that matter. Los Baños has its ubiquitous buko pie, and at one point all buko pie stores in Pansol, each one less than a hundred meters from the other were named “Colette’s”. Manila has had different “food fads” in its history; it has shifted from burgers, to shawarma, to lechon manok, to pearl shakes. But it has to be Cebu’s dried mango producers who are most guilty of gaya-gaya mentality, so much so that not only were the products the same, but even the branding was compromised.

The number of dried mango producers have skyrocketed from the 80s through the 90s due to the popularity of the delicacy as an export product, but they have some serious identity crisis. The pioneer dried mango had chosen a green package in white lettering, with a clear “window” at the lower part of the package to make the mango slices visible. Soon everyone packaged their dried mangoes in a green package in white lettering, with a window. Only one or two departed from the usual scheme (one of them went blue and green, the other changed to orange-brown).

Apparently, if the Filipino entrepreneur is efficient at anything, they are efficient in copying product offerings of seemingly-thriving businesses, down to the packaging.

A nauseating business proposition

The GEM Philippines 2006-2007 Report reveals that four out of ten Filipinos are entrepreneurs, and of those, 19% belong to the Class C segment, 54% belong to the Class D segment, and 20% belong to the Class E segment. While some people contend that these 54% are “following in the footsteps of the taipans”, it doesn’t present reveal the extent of planning, research, and marketing that these business owners apply into their business — in fact, one could assume that these businesses do not have any such activities in their enterprises.

The findings also affirm the observations I made above:

Survey results tend to affirm the common notion that the typical Filipino business person is risk-averse (segurista) and lacking in originality and innovation (gaya-gaya). Such attitude can be a hindrance to being able to exploit new opportunities and growth potentials, which is important in building dynamism in the enterprise sector. [GEM Philippines 2006-2007 Report]

The irony in this statement is that while the Filipino is, apparently, willing to go into business, they remain to be inherently risk-averse and lacking in innovation. The Report expounds:

There is a common observation (and lament) that most Filipino business owners are content with imitating other established firms rather than innovating with new and unique products and services, the so-called gaya-gaya (copycat) syndrome. This appears borne out by the finding that surveyed business owners predominantly believe that their products and services are not perceived to be unique or distinct from others. A dominant 71% of business owners indicated that they would not be seen by customers as offering something new or unfamiliar.[GEM Philippines 2006-2007 Report]

Unfortunately the effects are adverse, profit-wise. Put copycat syndrome and cutthroat competition together with a lack of marketing, and what you end up with is a bunch of palengkeras ready to kill each other off. Without the prosperity brought about by high profit margins, it seems that poor Filipino entrepreneurs will remain poor, in spite of the fact that they have chosen to put up a business.

They aren’t following the footsteps of the taipans, after all.

Taking a road less travelled

According to the Principles of Entrepreneurship publication of the US State Department, the concepts and ideas that make or break the business can be categorized into four:

• An existing good or service for an existing market. This is a difficult approach for a start-up operation. It means winning over consumers through merchandising appeal, advertising, etc. Entry costs are high, and profit is uncertain.
• A new good or service for a new market. This is the riskiest strategy for a new firm because both the product and the market are unknown. It requires the most research and planning. If successful, however, it has the most potential for new business and can be extremely profitable.
• A new good or service for an existing market. (Often this is expanded to include modified goods/services.) For example, entrepreneurial greeting-card makers use edgy humor and types of messages not produced by Hallmark or American Greetings – the major greeting-card makers – to compete in an existing market.
• An existing good or service for a new market. The new market could be a different country, region, or market niche. Entrepreneurs who provide goods/services at customers’ homes or offices, or who sell them on the Internet, are also targeting a new market – people who don’t like shopping or are too busy to do so.

Emphasis mine.

Note that while the ordinary Filipino would-be entrepreneur thinks that the safest route to go is to offer products and services that has an existing market, they do not realize that going up against existing competition makes the business less viable. Unfortunately the illusion of safety — and perhaps, the misconception that it is easier to mimic an existing operation — leads them to the cutthroat, opportunity-devoid copycat market that typifies the business environment of the unsuccessful Filipino entrepreneur.

Blast-freezing one’s way to success

That being said, local taipan wannabes must learn to focus their efforts on the more fruitful ventures of offering a new or modified good or service to an existing market, or offering an existing good or service to a new market.

There are some businesses that are becoming big this way. Lety’s Buko Pie in Los Baños is a good example of a business that was able to find ways to offer a new or modified product to an existing market, and at the same time offer an existing product to a new market.

Deluged with numerous buko (coconut) pie competition, Lety’s turned its attention to an unsolved problem with buko pies: microwaving them would turn the pies soggy. With the help of the Department of Science and Technology, Lety’s was able to find a solution: blast-freeze the pies to prevent ice globules, which form during conventional freezing, from coming up. A nice side-effect: their buko pies can be frozen up to 12 months, which allowed Lety’s to export their products abroad.

Going off-road to genuine entrepreneurship

It is clear that while the Filipino is not bereft of technical skills and capability, they have much to learn with regards to business savvy, risk-taking, and innovation. If Filipinos (beyond the usual Filipino-Chinese) are going to achieve success, much effort should be taken to be able to help them think out-of-the-box, reduce risk-aversity, and evangelize the virtue of innovation (or more specifically product-development), which in turn would lead to a much productive and high-profit business environment.

The lessons of the current state of entrepreneurship in the country should not be ignored, or worse dismissed — further education in entrepreneurship should be nurtured for the lackluster nation to be able to catch up with its more prosperous (and under the hood, more adventurous) neighbors. It’s high time the Filipino entrepreneur should learn to drive off of the unentrepreneurial, risk-averse, copycat road.

Anyway, while I was at home I thought I would be able to blog but, instead of writing, a different “muse” bit me and this is what I spent my time on:

This is the replica cockpit of an F-14A Tomcat, in 1:48 scale.

If you’re not familiar with what a Tomcat is, it’s the fighter prominently featured on Tom Cruise’s 1986 hit, Top Gun.

Hopefully the plane takes a more recognizable shape over the next few weeks. It’s a painstaking process and even after all this years I’m still learning a new thing or two about it.

It’s been two years since I’ve built any scale model, and the last plane that I completed was done back in 2005, and I’m happy over what I was able to start.

Hope that I finish it in time for our November IPMS Philippines National Competition.

Days before my dad’s departure he was frantically arranging for a barong to be made for my uncle (6 foot plus white guy in the upper half of 200 lbs). While the tailor was able to pull off a quickie, since the only basis for the measurements of the barong was a shirt my uncle left from a recent trip — short sleeved at that, I still wonder if the barong fits. We will know in a few days I’m sure.

It amuses and delights me at how Filipino traditions are still somehow maintained and observed in foreign countries. This is especially true in the United States, where the melting pot nature of the country, with numerous migrants and communities, raises the need and want to connect with people from your own nation and culture. While there may be large Filipino communities in, say, California, however, Filipinos elsewhere might be hard-pressed to find their kababayans easily.

One way Filipinos cope with the situation is to look for community events that are either near them or can at least be accessible in terms of schedule. This is where Filipino community sites like FilipinoVillage helps. It’s a site where you can add your Filipino events, no matter where it is held.

Connect with Pinoys at FilipinoVillage.com now!

Of the 24 opposition, administration and independent candidates (I don’t really consider KBL’s fieldings as real senatorial bets), I can only think of 3 or 4 persons that I might vote, and my decision to vote them is still pending some research on what laws they did pass.

Hint: I admire that guy who had the guts to stay truly independent, and that guy who didn’t stay independent but whom I’m rooting for because I’m such a sucker for real rags-to-riches stories and pro-entrepreneurship lawmakers, and that guy whom I feel is Ferdinand Marcos reincarnated but at least passed some sensible laws.

Hell, I don’t even care about our local officials. The Pasay City political arena is in shambles. I don’t even know if I can renew my Community Tax Certificate this year without needing to survive some lame bring-this-guy-back-to-City-Hall “protest action.”

It’s sickening, and tiring, and I think I might as well spend election day playing games and watching TV with CJ.

I guess work has taken its toll on more than just my time.

Hope you’ll keep checking out this blog even if it’s been one post a month of late. Thanks for the continuing support.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The IAU members gathered at the 2006 General Assembly agreed that a “planet” is defined as a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.
This means that the Solar System consists of eight “planets” Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. A new distinct class of objects called “dwarf planets” was also decided. It was agreed that “planets” and “dwarf planets” are two distinct classes of objects. The first members of the “dwarf planet” category are Ceres, Pluto and 2003 UB313 (temporary name). More “dwarf planets” are expected to be announced by the IAU in the coming months and years. Currently a dozen candidate “dwarf planets” are listed on IAU’s “dwarf planet” watchlist, which keeps changing as new objects are found and the physics of the existing candidates becomes better known.[IAU]

In other words, Pluto has been demoted from being a planet because of definition c. Pluto comes closer to the sun than Neptune is for a period alternating between 13 and 20 years, the most recent occurence being February 7, 1979 to February 11, 1999.
What amuses me however, are the reaction of some people regarding this issue, as illustrated here. In more ways than one, the change in the definition of our solar system as having eight planets affects us emotionally.

We learned that Pluto was the farthest planet of the Solar System as children, the time when everything we heard from our parents and teachers was true and infallible. Just like believing that Santa will give us presents every Christmas even if our houses in the Philippines don’t have chimneys.

For me, I accept this new definition with open arms, since it not only lays to rest the Pluto debate, but it also underscores the fact that science is evolutionary. Science is an exercise in making definitions — and Pluto has evaded definition for decades.

In his articles, Lopez quotes Senator Manny Villar, who thinks that the most significant challenge that Filipino entrepreneurship faces is our own mindset regarding it:

The senator wondered why the Philippines haven’t progressed all these years. And he has this theory:

“It is because there is bias against entrepreneurship in the Philippines, and that is why, to me, we have not moved forward.”

He elaborates:

“ We were told by our parents to study very hard so that one day we can get a job. And we tell our children to study very hard so that they can have a job, the children of our children.”

“We tell the children that they should study to have a job. And this is passed on from generation to generation to generation, and that is why we have become a nation of employees. We like to serve. We like to be employed.”
“If we cannot find employment in the Philippines, then we go out of the country. And there, in the other countries, we try to find employment.”
In Divisoria, he recalls, “I saw the difference between a Chinese and a Filipino vendor.”

“The Chinese -Filipino, and he would tell me, one day I want to become the biggest this, the biggest that. But when you talk to a Filipino vendor, he would tell you, as soon as my children graduate, I can retire, I will retire.”

“Among us Filipinos, at the age of 30, we are asked, why haven’t you got a job? But among the Chinese, they are asked, why haven’t you got a business, yet?”

“To me, unless you are able to change this, my dear friends, we cannot move this country forward.”

I totally agree with Senator Villar’s sentiment. We have always been a nation not only of employees, but of avid consumers, throwing our money on what capitalists say “we must have.” We also have a penchant for buying real property, treating them as “assets” without really knowing how to make the property income-generating for the long-term.

However, I hope Senator Villar also understands that there exists a very high barrier to business entry in the country, with lots of exorbitant (not to mention ineffective and unnecessary) fees on different kinds of permits. To me, if Senator Villar wants to encourage entrepreneurship in the country, they must first demolish these redundant barriers to business entry.

Otherwise our people will just settle with being employees, while our underground non-tax-paying economy will just continue to grow and grow.

Read more about entrepreneurship in Tony Lopez’s blog:

Get rich, put up a business

The age of the Filipino Entrepreneur

Orange and Lemons Cries foul!

While Orange and Lemons continues to say it is “saddened” by the issue, they continue to vehemently deny the allegations of musical plagiarism. But they issued a statement that was contradictory to their previous statements:

“In fact, while recording the song, our producer Robert Javier was with us. Eh di dapat siya na mismo ang unang nagsalita. You can say that ‘Chandeliers’ was the inspiration, the peg of ‘Pinoy Ako.’ But it wasn’t derived from that or any other song.”

Isn’t “inspired by” and “peg” ambiguous to “derived”? Some of my friends think it’s merely heavily inspired. If Orange and Lemons admitted at least that, that would have been the end of the issue.

Furthermore, something rang a bell inside my head when the article hit on prior allegations of their copying songs:

This is not the first time that Orange and Lemons has been accused of musical plagiarism. The band revealed that even when they released their independently produced album under Toti Dalmacion’s Terno Records a few years ago, some people have come up to them to point out similarities between some of their originals and songs by international British groups.

“Minsan nga, nagdadala pa sila ng CDs ng mga kanta to prove their ‘point,’” they said.

“Pero di naman namin ito gaanong pinapansin. Unang-una, kung meron kami talagang naagrabyado dahil sa panggagaya, bakit walang complainant? Hindi ba dapat, ang unang mag-complain ay yung may ari ng kanta?”

They added: “Besides, mas madaming tao ang lumalapit sa amin thanking us for the music that we do. We even have fans from as far away as Japan e-mailing us, ‘You’re amazing!’ It’s not also unusual na makakita ka ng buong pamilya sa mga shows namin because even parents who grew up to New Wave music appreciate our sound.”

So, basta’t hindi nagco-complain yung original na artist, okay lang mangkopya? That’s a very convenient thing to say. Especially when the artist in point is a foreign group who are most likely unaware of the songs in question.

And even if a lot of people idolize the group’s performance, it makes the issue even more pressing because people are appreciating the group for songs which they cannot completely claim as original.

Giselle Roque issues a rebuttal in this article:

Music writer blows whistle against Orange and Lemons

In this article, a previous suspicion of mine is confirmed by Roque; since there was pressure from ABS-CBN to quickly come up with a theme song for Pinoy Big Brother, they decided to “cut corners” (for lack of a better word) in the creative process:

She further revealed that “Orange and Lemons said that they were pressured and did not know what else to do. Since they were listening to The Care, to that effect, they decided na ‘puwede’ ang ‘Chandeliers.’ I have the e–mail from Orange and Lemons to prove this including the time line explaining they had to rush the song because ABS-CBN gave them barely a week to do it and record the video for ‘Pinoy Ako.’”

Incidentally, since The Care is now aware of the issue (Roque being a friend of one of the new wave duo), Orange and Lemons’ lament of the original artist complaining might now come true.

They should’ve been more careful of what they wish for.

Related blog entry:

PBB’s Theme Song: Another Case of Plagiarism?

Of course, I’m sure sparks didn’t write this list up

I can’t help but feel an itch of an urge to answer it though. So here I go, as futile as it may be:

50. Where the most happening places are not where the party is. Instead it’s where the gang wars happen, where women strip and where the people overthrow a president.

I would agree with the last part but not with the gang wars (or should we call it frat wars, particularly the ones in the state university?) or strippers.

Almost all Westernized countries have strip clubs. What gives?

49. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

Sad but true.

48. Where everyone has his personal ghost story.

Ahhh, not me. :p

47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

Blame paganistic Christianity. Funny mix.

46. Where everything can be forged.

Well, fortunately they have yet to forge my SIM card. But you’ve gotta love Recto.

45. Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

Haha, tama.

44. Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

Starbucks is expensive everywhere, at the expense of all the third-world sources of coffee they use.

43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town only has one public school.

I love interrupting games with the car horn.

42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.

You haven’t been to China yet, ‘no?

41. Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog.

I think the Cebuanos will react violently.

40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

Unfortunately, true.

39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

That’s why they want all-English back in the curriculum.

38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

Do you live in Cavite?

37. Where flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

What freeway?

36. Where the tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go.

Well, far as I know those call-center people can afford Boracay every year.

35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.

Oist, mine is mainly for blogging :p

34. Where all 13-year-olds are alcoholic.

Maybe 15 year olds. Tinuturuan tumagay ng gin.

33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

So is inferiority complex.

32. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

Especially on Fridays and Saturdays.

31. Where people can pay to defy the law.

If they have enough money.

30. Where everything is spoofed.

Isn’t this list a spoof in itself?

29. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger!

Hey, you can find that in Kuala Lumpur too!

28. Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.

Can’t help it if the main road obstacles are the pedestrians.

27. Where being called a bum is never offensive.

Fact of life.

26. Where floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

Do you live near UST?

25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

No, I don’t need relatives from abroad to keep us alive. Actually it pisses some of our relatives off that we can live here without their help; makes them think how we were able to do it why they can’t and had to leave.

24. Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

Because you pedestrians are dumb retards!

23. Where wearing your national colors makes you baduy.

I used to wear a Philippine flag pin everyday until the pin got broken. Never made me feel baduy.

How bad is the inferiority complex of the person who wrote this?

22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.

Totoo naman diba? :p

21. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)

Ganon na nga

20. Where insurance does not work.

Errr… maybe you’re talking about the pre-need industry?

19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty – clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

Problema kasi pinalaki kayo sa mineral water. Pinalaki ako sa pinakulong tubig, kaya matibay tyan ko :p

18. Where the church governs the people and where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)

Which keeps me going to Church but makes it hard to drop a peso on the offertory box.

17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.

Taeneo? All the nerds? Does that imply intelligence?

Now I know the person who wrote this is Atenean!

Is that how bad you look down upon yourself?

16. Where fast food is a diet meal.

Eh maliit lang naman talaga yung budget meals eh.

15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

True.

14. Where all the trees in the city are below six feet.

That’s why we have to keep Arroceros alive.

13. Where being held up is normal. It happens to everyone.

Hasn’t happened to me in the past 25 years. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

12. Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball players.

American kids dream that way too.

11. Where rodents are normal house pets.

Not in my house.

10. Where the definition of traffic is the “non-movement” of vehicles.

Unfortunately, true.

9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

What new fighter planes? They’re all at the museum!

8. Where Nora Aunor is an acclaimed actress and Boy Abunda is the best talk show host.

What the fuck is so bad with Boy Abunda? The guy makes sense when he interviews, and has intelligent and well-thought of/well-composed questions. Not like those insensitive sensationalizing pricks who pepper tabloids.

As for Nora Aunor… blame the Noranians for that.

7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

Cigarettes, yes. Alcohol, maybe. Lottery is a commodity everywhere.

6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

Unfortunately true. Blame the media.

5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment. (Kung gusto mo mapikon, watch the news.)

Unfortunately true.

4. Where finding a deer on the road will be a phenomenon. (May deer dito? Seryoso kayo?)

It is. Is this a fixation on everything American?

3. Where people can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not for a thousand.

It’s called “lawyers.”

2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga ‘to!)

Not in La Salle it ain’t.

1. Where everyone wants to leave the country! (Ang saya-saya!)

No, not me. Call me insane for feeling that way.