Ang Kape Ni LaTtEX

Okay boys, it’s the season to be jolly but a lot of us aren’t smiling.

And for good reason. We always get dragged around by the women in our lives, whether it be our mother, sister/s or wife, because it’s that time of the year when they have the best excuse to shop. With the huge number of people out there shopping at the same time, however, whether it be in Divisoria’s 168 mall or in Glorietta, it’s easy to find yourself trapped in the state of tianggemonium.

Tianggemonium is what I define as any state of extreme confusion and chaos when one goes to shopping. It is easier for men to suffer from tianggemonium than women; of course, it’s the women that enjoy shopping per se anyway.

So in the next few days or so, though it’s a little too late, I’ll feature a few tips that have saved myself (and some friends) from suffering the ordeal that is tianggemonium.

Now let’s start with some assumptions. It’s very important that you remember these, since these are inline with your objective, which is to be able to stop that woman in your life from shopping at any given point in time. But since women will shop almost invariably; that is, whether they have money or not, whether it’s their time of month or not, whether there’s a sale or not, we will tackle first what will stop them from shopping.

There are three known effective conditions which could stop women from shopping. Many times, women will stop shopping if and only if all these conditions are met:

• The store/tiangge has closed or is nearly closing, and there are no nearby stores/tiangges that are open to go to
• They have run out of cash, especially if it is in a tiangge-type shopping area that does not accept credit cards
• They have maxed out their credit card

Remember these conditions very well. They might very well save your life.